Plugging

Make or Break

At dahil gusto kong pag-tripa-an si Peh, makiki-ride on ako sa plugging mood n'ya.

Naaliw lang talaga ako sa pag-a-advertise n'ya ng Austin Realtors. Kulang na lang may tagline na ganito - Austin Realtors , your friendly neighborhood realtors. Taray! Kahit na ang location nila eh nasa Texas, ramdam mo pa rin na nand'yan lang sila. Ahihihihihi.

Well, sa mga hindi nakakaalam, si Peh ay:

• kaklase ko sa Science High School dati. Naging kagrupo ko s'ya sa paggawa ng thesis project namin (Peh, remember gibberellic acid?) at thanks to her, hindi namin naging problema ang pag-eencode ng manuscript namin dahil nakaka-libre s'ya ng computer typing sa tita n'ya. Bongga ang transformation ni Peh (na ang tunay na pangalan ay Pilipinas Cochingco!buking! hihihihi.) dahil mula sa bespectacled beauty ay in-adopt n'ya ang pagsusuot ng contact lens.
• kaibigan/kabarkada/katropa ko sa Crystal Drops. Yes! Ito ang nakakalurking pangalan ng barkadahan eklavou namin noong high school na noong malaman ko eh, inokray at tinawanan ko ng bonggang bongga to my friends' disgust. Pinagsisihan ko ang pangookray na 'yun dahil THEY made me pay for it. Isang linggo siguro nila akong hindi pinansin at hindi pinasali sa mga "barkada events". After that, I chose to behave na lang. Mahirap na!
• katunggali/kakampi ko sa sari saring "barkada events" noong high school. Mula sa Musikarera, Sari Saring Survey hanggang sa Magkano Ka Bayan (ingenious adaptation namin ito ng TV game show na Game Na Game Na, kung familiar kayo dun! ). Blockbuster sa amin ang Musikarera at malaking bagay ang manalo/matalo ka sa event na ito kaya dapat updated kami sa mga songs from 1900 to present. Mas importante pa ito kaysa sa exam namin sa Calculus! Iba pa ang labanan namin sa shato, taguan, habulan hanggang sa matuto na kaming mag-tong its at mag-pusoy dos! Hahahaha! Kumusta naman ang gambling den, Peh?
• ka-blog-an ko. Isa na rin siyang blogista - isang nilalang na nagme-maintain ng blog. Feeling ko kay Peh, kahit na puro muta pa 'yan sa umaga, unang una na n'yang haharapin ang blog n'ya eh. Ang active! Maya't maya, may post. Mula sa mga kiddie stories hanggang sa Austin Realtors! Hahahahaha! Kaya sundan n'yo ang kabanata ng buhay n'ya bilang isang full time mom, part time worrier. Antaray ng tagline! Kabog ang Surf! Ahihihihihi.

*********

He's Just Not That Into You

At dahil sapilitan akong pinag-leave ng 2 days last week, inaya ko na lang manood ng movie si Drake. Alam kong gusto n'yang panoorin yung The Fast & The Furious 4, pero dahil (nananadya) nacute-an ako sa movie trailer ng He's Just Not That Into You, 'yun yung binili kong ticket. Of course, matapos n'yang iparating sa akin ang pagkadismaya n'ya at ipakita ang simangot na papasa sa commercial ng Datu Puti, wala pa rin s'yang nagawa kundi samahan akong panoorin kung ano man ang nabili ko. Rereklamo pa kasi! :-)

In fairness, puro sikat ang cast ng movie. Mitz and I planned to see this together pero hindi magka-tugma sched namin. We both want to see this kase we want to "see" ourselves on the big screen. Madalas kasi kaming mag-discuss at mag-interpret ng napakaraming unconcious signs, mannerisms and actions from people.

True enough, marami akong naprove sa theory na to. The most important lesson learned/theory proven is that : If he does not call, he's just not that into you!

Well, totoo naman eh. If you already made the first move of calling him, naturally, if he's REALLY into you, he should also show his interest by calling you, too. Fact is, if he's REALLY REALLY interested in you, he should be the first one to call.

Siyempre, dahil stubborn ka, you will argue with me and will insist to me that some men are just "torpe". Trust me, my dear. Even the dumbest men, when it comes to things they REALLY want, can turn to a genius overnight (or, even sooner than that!). May ganon kaya huwag kang ma-surprise, ineng!

Anyway, the movie is just so-so. Unfortunately, masyadong mataas ang expectation ko. Tuloy, si Drake, pagkatapos ubusin ang popcorn, tinulugan na lang ako. Kakangawit tuloy sa shoulder. Asus! May ganun oh! Hahahahaha!

:-)

Epilogue

And then, that once-upon-a-time becomes our own story to tell.

We start to build our characters and gather the support to play their parts - the heroes, the heroines and the scheming antagonists.

It seems so easy at first. We let everyone act freely, the story to run its plot naturally and develop a conflict the brothers Grimm would envy.

Meanwhile, as we see ourselves in the center of the show, somehow, fantasy finds its way to us and seriously snatches us from reality. That's when the story becomes more interesting, each scene nail-biting and the storyline peaks to a point where we can not wait turning the pages - anticipating what's next and gasping for air with every line.

The making of a bestseller you may say...

Along the way, the plot turns too complicated and unexplainably, it becomes quite difficult to extricate ourselves from the trap.

Good news is somehow, we manage to find our way out and subsequently build up another climax that betters the previous one. Ah! Human nature, as always.

And so it goes on and on emulating the ocean's ebb and tide. We keep creating plots, characters and twists after another.

But, just like any breathing organism, the story ages and sadly, has to reach its own denouement. Whoever said that everything comes to an end must be a really good storyteller.

Because that is what every one of us needs to learn - that no matter how good a story is and no matter how seemingly difficult it is, eventually, we will have to put an old story to a rest.

And, since life apparently, is designed for us not to worry about things we can not change, remember that an uncalled-for ending is a blessing in disguise for a much-deserved new beginning.

My Randomness

"will you let Eve have the bite?..."

i'd say, why not?

for a fleeting moment, i could forget the cloak of anonymity that covers me. and in a crowd of random DNA's, i could finally be a familiar face to someone...

the thought is just divine! someone knows me. someone can see a shining, colorful me in a pack of black & white strangers.

...the train station, the laundry room, the sushi stop, the art exhibition, the grocery shop, the music store, the concert hall, the one-off themed party, the football stadium - the roster of places is just endless.

but i know better.

it may have taken me to the edge of infinity to finally learn but yeah...now, i know better.

randomness does not necessarily equate to emptiness...

Lip Liner 5

"...hiwalay na kame."

Tulad ng normal kong ginagawa, tinawanan ko lang ang kaibigan kong si Mitz nang sabihin n'ya sa akin na hiwalay na sila ng boyfriend n'ya. Parang sirang plaka lang na paulit-ulit ang tugtog pero hindi ko inihihinto dahil kahit papano, nag-eenjoy rin ako sa ka-weirdohan kong makinig. Ilang beses ko na bang napakinggan sa kanya 'yung linyang 'yun?

"For the nth time?", sabay tawa ko ng malakas habang tinitignan ko ang nakapaskil na "sale" sa shopping mall na nadaaanan ng bus namin pauwi ng accommodation. Hindi pa pala ako nakakapag-shopping this month. Sa Friday, pagkasimba ko titingin ako ng bagong boxers tsaka black socks.

"I know. Pero Marvin, this time, totoo na 'to!", seryoso n'yang litanya na parang kahit s'ya, tanggap na rin n'ya sa sarili n'ya na paulit-ulit lang ang tinatahak niyang landas sa dyowa n'ya - away-bati, away-bati, away-bati...

Ah, ok...", sarkastiko kong sagot. Sanay na sa akin si Mitz. Nagkakabasahan na kami ng iniisip kaya hindi na bago sa kanya ang pagiging sarkastiko ko.

"Angsakit lang kasi ng sinabi n'ya eh. Ito na yata 'yung hindi ko kayang lunukin." Tamlay-galit n'yang sabi. Kilala ko ang kaibigan ko. Konting kasiyahan, masayang masaya na siya. Konting kalungkutan, damang dama rin n'ya. Parang mathematics lang ang bawat emosyon sa kanya. Nalalagyan n'ya ng exponent. Kaya kapag pinagsasama n'ya ang mahigit sa isang emosyon, alam ko nang somesing is wrong.

"Baket? Ano ba'ng sinabi?", kumagat naman daw ako sa pa-suspense n'yang entrada.

"Sabi n'ya, hindi raw ito ang gusto kong buhay. Hindi raw ako masaya sa ganitong buhay with him. Hindi daw n'ya ako mabibigyan ng deserve ko. Alam daw n'ya. Nararamdaman daw n'ya. Maghanap na lang daw ako ng iba na makakapagpasaya sa akin! Wala raw kapupuntahan ang relasyon namin!", dire-diretso n'yang sabi.

Weird.

No! Morbid!

"May gano'n? Baket daw? Eh, wala ka namang ibang ginusto sa buhay mo kundi makasama s'ya ah! Hindi ka na nga lumalabas kasama kami kasi importante sa 'yo ang bawat moments n'yo together, 'tapos wala ka namang ibang bukambibig kundi 'yang jowa mo tsaka 'yang jowa mo pa rin tsaka syempre, ang jowa mo pa rin! Adik ka nga sa kanya eh. Pwede na ngang mag-coin ng word para lang may proper na tawag sa mga ginagawa mo 'tapos sasabihin n'ya hindi ka masaya! Saan galing 'yun?", ang mahinahon kong banat.

Hindi pala masyadong mahinahon kase napapatingin na 'yung iba kong kasama sa bus dahil medyo nag-falsetto na ako.

"Ewan ko. Pero this time, iba na talaga. It's for real. I don't deserve to be treated like this. Ano pa ba ang dapat kong gawin? 'Wag naman n'ya akong tratuhin ng ganu'n!" himutok n'ya.

In fairness, I have to give it to my friend. Hindi dahil sa kaibigan ko s'ya. Pero isa rin s'yempre 'yun sa reason kung bakit sa kanya ako papanig. Part ako ng support system n'ya eh. Pero other than that, hindi ko yata matanggap na may mga taong hindi kayang tumanggap ng pagmamahal. She's been really dedicated in loving him. Saksi ako doon 24/7. 'Yung simpleng nakaupo lang sila habang nanonood ng TV, kung maikwento n'ya sa amin akala mo naman nanalo s'ya sa jueteng. Tiniklop lang ng boyfriend n'ya 'yung damit n'ya, parang gusto nang isulat sa Maalaala Mo Kaya. Nasaan ang hindi masaya du'n?

Normal lang naman sa relasyon 'yung nag-aaway dahil sa selos o dahil merong hindi tinupad na sinabi ng isa. Pero para sisihin mo ang sarili mo dahil sa palagay mo hindi mo mapaligaya ang taong mahal mo, sino ka? Naisip ko na lang na kung hindi duwag ang dyowa n'ya, sadya lang sigurong psycho.

Duwag kasi hindi n'ya matanggap na pwede rin pala s'yang maging masaya at mahalin.

Psycho kasi hindi n'ya maharap ang realidad ng buhay.

I therefore conclude...

Kunsabagay, minsan pareho lang kami. Iisa lang naman kasi ang dahilan ng gano'ng ugali eh. Takot. Malaking takot.

Takot na baka sa huli, kapag nag-invest ka na ng sobrang emosyon, kapag in-emrbace mo na ang masayang buhay, malalaman mo na lang na hindi pala totoo ang lahat. Na sa isang iglap lang, kukunin din sa 'yo ang lahat ng magandang bagay na nangyayari sa 'yo.

Question is, kailan ka pa magiging masaya?

"So, this is it? Totoo na 'to?", tanong ko ulet. 'Yung tanong na tipong hindi na rin interesado sa kung anuman ang maririnig na sagot.

"Pinapahatid ko na 'yung gamit ko from him. Sabi ko i-drop na n'ya sa apartment ko...", may panghihinayang n'yang sagot. Gumagana na naman ang exponent sa emosyon n'ya.

There. Ang hatiran ng gamit galore.

"Eh ikaw, kumusta na? Kumusta na kayo?", sabay segue na tanong n'ya sa akin. Kakagimbal 'yung tanong na 'yun ah!

"Anong 'kayo'? Walang 'kami'!", pa-cute kong sagot.

At nauwi ang mahaba naming usapan sa kung saan saan. Natapos ang phone conversation at nag-text s'ya sa akin.

"Marvin, good night. I'll be fine. Enjoy your single life. :-)"

Adik. Enjoy your single life?

Wehanopangaba!

Stupid Mode

you called yesterday to basically say that you care for me but that you're just not in love...immediately, I pretended to be feeling similarly...and led you to believe I was O.K. to just walk away from the one thing that's unyielding and sacred to me...

One of my favorite song ever...everytime I listen to this, it just brings back all those times when I was a bit uhmm, stupid ( that's a serious realization albeit it came only quite recently, hehehehe )...

And yeah, right now, I'm genuinely addicted to it...again. Dang!

well, I guess I'm trying to be nonchalant about it...and I'm going to extremes to prove I'm fine without you...but in reality I'm slowly losing my mind underneath the disguise of a smile...gradually, I'm dying inside...friends ask me how I feel, and I lie convincingly, 'cause I don't want to reveal the fact that I'm suffering...so I wear my disguise 'til I go home at night, and turn down all the lights...and then I break down and cry...

It just amuses me how I could let some things that did hurt me previously happen to me again. Like, listening to a song that perpetually pricks and squeezes my being. Shoots! It's getting cyclical...

so what do you do when somebody you're so devoted to suddenly just stops loving you?...and it seems they haven't got a clue of the pain that rejection is putting you through...do you cling to your pride and sing "I will survive?"...do you lash out and say, "How dare you leave this way?"...do you hold on in vain as they just slip away?..

But then again, we all are stubborn sometimes...we all are stupid sometimes...until we eventually decide that it's time to get on our feet, leave the easy chair and scoop a breath of fresh air.

Fact is, it may not happen soon enough. But it surely will...or we just totally give in.

Bungee Jump

But then, again, it's my life...

...and I've realized how much further I can go to virtually fight for what I feel.

...and just like some of what I had, this battle will subsequently succumb to yearning.

...and somehow, every night, my longing will not stop but would only linger.

...and try as I may, I can not be numb to pleas anymore.

...and with all the strength I could muster, I've finally accepted that I can be weak.

...and I believe that eventually, I might regret deciding on this later.

...and still, here's me hoping that later will never come.

...and now I know, I can't --- I just can't miss giving this a shot.

...and after all, like what they say, it's a free fall.

Maharot

I know I've been soooo lame lately...Pasensya na, someone's grabbing my focus.

Kaya babawi ako. Sasayawan ko kayo ngayon 'din! Hahahahaha. Choz lang!

Me & U

Party on! Love this song! Ang harot!